Hello! It’s me, Boop! Did you join us for the 2020 Ignite the Spark Gala last Saturday? It was super fun! We hope you had fun. Thank you for bidding on auction items. Thank you for donating. Thank you for supporting Discovery World and our mission.
It’s almost Halloween! I LOVE HALLOWEEN! It’s the greatest holiday ever. I love Arbor Day, too. TREES ARE AMAZING! But Halloween is the best. I love the chill in the air. I love all the colors of autumn. I LOVE DRESSING UP IN COSTUMES! POPCORN AND CARAMEL APPLES ARE AWESOME! CORN MAZES ARE SO MUCH FUN. I LOVE SPOOKY DECORATIONS AND ALL THE SPOOKY STORIES!
What’s your favorite spooky story? Mine is Dracula. I’ve always wanted to become a Dracula. Not because of the drinking blood thing. I don’t actually want to drink blood. That sounds gross. I don’t want to sleep in a coffin either. That’s weird. To me, I mean. Maybe you sleep in a coffin, and you find it cozy. You do you. I have always wanted to explode into a cloud of bats. That would be both fun and useful.
But what would happen to me, a turtle, if I got bit by a Dracula? Humans who get bit by Draculas turn into human-shaped Draculas. Would I turn into a human-shaped Dracula? Or would I turn into a turtle-shaped Dracula? No offense, but I’d much rather be a turtle-shaped Dracula.
I don’t have teeth, so would I grow fangs? Or would the tough, bony ridge in my mouth that I use to chew my food just get bigger? I really want fangs. Fangs are so cool. Also, would I still be really slow or would I have the speed of a normal Dracula? Because I’d really like the speed of a normal Dracula. Can I keep my shell? I’m very attached to it. I’m also literally attached to it. It’s part of my skeleton. Maybe I’m overthinking this.
What if I got bit by a werewolf? Would I become a wereturtle, a creature that is half-wolf and half-turtle? Or would I become a creature that is one-third wolf, one-third human, and one-third turtle? And if I turned into a wolf-human-turtle creature and then bit one of the fish? Would that fish become a wolf-human-turtle-fish creature? I’m not sure what the math is here.
Anyway, Beep and I were trying to figure out something really fun to do for Halloween this year. Last year we snuck into the Biology Lab and tried to make a Frankenstein’s Monster kind of a thing out of leftover squid parts from the squid dissection lab that the Education Team does for school groups.
We found enough leftover squid parts to cobble together a Frankenstein’s Squid Monster. Beep and I had some tentacles left over, so we gave it three extra tentacles. We had élan vital from the “My First Alchemy Kit” that Beep and I ordered from an ad we found in the back of a comic book. We had a Tesla coil. After a lot of zapping, we managed to bring our Frankenstein Squid Monster to life. Muhahahahahahaha!
Unfortunately, Beep and I forgot to put it in a tank, so it was able to slither to the window and dive into Lake Michigan. But not before it turned to us and shouted, “Accursed creators! Why did you form a monster so hideous that even you turned from me in disgust?” To be fair, Beep and I did not turn from it in disgust. We were unplugging the Tesla coil because we were done with it. Safety first!
Anyway, our Frankenstein Squid Monster probably haunts the inner harbor to this day. Lol. If you happen to be out on Lake Michigan and you see a terrifying squid monster, tell it Boop says, “Hello!” Or maybe don’t actually mention me. It’s probably still mad that Beep and I brought it to life.
This year we were thinking about opening a portal to a parallel universe full of eldritch abominations and cosmic horrors to see if anyone on the other side wanted to play kickball – Discovery World turtles versus eldritch abominations. They’re really good at kickball over there. They’ve got professional kickball leagues with stadiums and everything. The Eldritch Abominations are in the premier league.
Anyway, all you need to open a portal to a parallel universe is a really big Tesla coil tuned to the precise resonant frequency and the proper incantations. What we didn’t have was a kickball. So we tabled that idea. Honestly, it’s probably not a great idea to open a portal to a parallel universe full of eldritch abominations and cosmic horrors. We may have saved the universe from the Old Ones by simply not doing that. You’re welcome.
One of the things I love most about Halloween is that if I was a run-of-the-mill, garden variety box turtle, I would be getting ready to hibernate right about now. I am a turtle that lives in a science center, so I don’t need to hibernate. NONE OF MY WILD TURTLE FRIENDS HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED HALLOWEEN because they’re all hibernating. Ha! I mean, that’s too bad.
Do you go Trick-or-Treating? I’ve never gone trick-or-treating. I live in a science center, not a neighborhood. And even though Discovery World does Halloween with trick-or-treating for kids, I’ve never been able to walk around and get candy. I’m part of the show!
Nothing would make Beep and I more excited than you stopping down during Halloween and showing me your costumes! And have you heard there’s a social media costume this year? I don’t want to promise anything, but anyone that dresses up as a turtle probably has a shell up on the competition.